3.12 Diana - What Is

Pressing her advantage Jennifer deepened the kiss feeling Chase respond to her.

"No no no," he murmured trying to disentangle himself from her advances. In his haste he started the scene fast forwarding into Diana's life the way it is today. The loud deafening music caught Jennifer's attention as she looked up and frowned. Turning angrily to Chase she demanded "what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," he shook his head "I hit the controls and it must have started playing Diana's life as it is now."

Scowling Jennifer said "this is wrong. My sister would never..." she waved her hand at the scene.

"It looks like she is," Chase said dragging his eyes from the scene.

***

The music was pulsing through her system loud and stimulating. Diana wrapped her body around the pole in rhythm to the music. She no longer heard the cat calls, the whistles or the propositions of the leering, drooling men watching her. Her existence was the music, the dance, the beat. It didn't matter she this without her clothes most days. It no longer phased her. At least it didn't. Tonight was different. Her carefully guarded secret was out.. Her baby brother Jeff saw her dancing. Dragged her from the stage until the bouncer hit him. His face kept entering her mind. His disapproval obvious. The same look daddy would give her when he was disappointed in her. The same look she was sure he would give her if he were here.

She could feel the tears building behind her eyes. Knew she was a disappointment. An object to give these faceless men pleasure. Thankfully she didn't have to take any of the to bed with her. It wasn't in her contract. She was exotic goods. Something to be gazed upon but not touched. Something she could thank her genetics for.

Her mind drifted back to the night she met with that disgusting producer. Her willingness to do anything to get him to make one  her dad's novels into a movie.. His easy promises. The lies. The night she slept with him.

The thought of it still made her skin crawl. The bile rise in her throat. The beginning of the nightmare life she lived. She no longer had time to pursue her dream of seeing her dad's novel's on the big screen. His life's work should be out there for everyone to see, to enjoy. She didn't have the ability to see it happen. He would be so ashamed of her and her life choices. Her feelings of shame let her to cut ties with her family. She didn't want them to see what she had become.

The loud music stopped. Diana gathered her discarded clothing as she existed the stage. "The boss man want's to see you," one of the girls told her as they passed to take her place on stage. 

Sighing Diana knocked on the door. The boss looked up from his desk frowning "close the door. I don't like scenes," he told her "who was that man?"

"My brother," she replied "it won't happen again. I didn't know he was going to be here."

"See that it doesn't or I will have to review your contract," his tone ominous sending shivers up her spine.

Nodding she took the warning to heart. A girl who caused too many scenes or too much trouble was either terminated, thrown on the streets or had their contract renegotiated. A renegotiation might mean losing  her exotic status. She would have to pull tricks. She had no intention of doing that.

"You can go now," he dismissed her. Backing from the room knowing enough to never turn her back on him. He was dangerous and cruel. It was easier to defend herself if she could see him coming. Closing the door behind her she sighed in relief. Going to her dressing area she glanced at the clock. Smiled as she realized her shift was over and she could go home. She looked forward to picking up her little sunshine from daycare.

***

"I hate you," Jennifer spat at him.

"Why? This isn't my fault" he pointed at her "your the reason everything changed. Remember in the previous timeline Colt said he almost didn't go that night because of an audition? Well we're seeing the results of him not stopping her from meeting with that producer. Do you really think it's possible to go back and change everything? Don't you get it? There is a no quick easy fix to this mess."

She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap "don't yell at me," she cried. "I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't. It's not my fault."

"Honey I hate to burst your bubble but all of this is your fault," Chase told her callously "the question now is whether or not you've learned anything from it. What are you going to do about it?"

Shaking her head Jennifer ignored the question requesting instead "resume the show."

***

The door opened and an excited three year old flung herself in to her mother's arms,"Mommy," she cried.

"How's my sunshine?" she asked the little girl.

A frown marred her serene features for a split second "ok I guess."

Lifting her chin up Diana asked "what happened sunshine?"

"Nothing really," she shrugged refusing to talk.

A woman appeared in the doorway "Ms Bennett we need to talk." Her angry disapproving look wasn't lost on Diana.

Following her inside Diana knew she was on the verge of losing yet another daycare provider. "Is something wrong?"

"Your daughter is disruptive. I can't have her in my facility," she said crossing her arms.

"It's not my daughter whose the problem," Diana told the woman keeping her voice flat devoid of emotions "it's my occupation."

"I don't approve of your lifestyle," the woman glared at her "the other parents don't want their children associating with your daughter."

"Stripping isn't contagious nor is it hereditary. My livelihood isn't anyone's business." Diana told the infuriating woman. "My daughter has the right to have first rate care despite how I decide to pay my bills."

"I don't agree," the woman stood as if dismissing her. "The sins of the mother..."

"How dare you," Diana cried "my daughter has never been anything but a well behaved little girl. 

Don't you dare judge her or me." She got up, wrote a check to cover the days services. "I won't be back." Throwing the check at the woman "be careful you don't fall off your holy mountain cashing that I wouldn't want my sins rubbing off on you."

"Mama? Something wrong?" Isabel asked looking up.

"It's nothing sweetie," Diana smiled down at her little girl. Her reason for getting up in the mornings. Her sunshine. 

"Mama I don't want to come back here."

Picking the little girl up Diana kissed her cheek "you don't have to." She felt Isabel's little arms go around her neck.

"Terel come?"she asked.

"I don't know sweetie. I'll see," Diana sighed she knew that Terrell was getting tired of her depending upon him for help. He was family. Who else did she have? Jeff? He probably wouldn't speak to her again. Exiting the apartment complex she groaned as the she saw the bus pull away. "Great we'll have to walk."

"Mama it wet" Isabel announced as it began to rain.

"I know sunshine," Diana acknowledged trying to keep her daughter from getting too wet on the long walk home. As she was about to step out into the street a man walked out of the elevator.

"Looks like it's raining cats and dogs," he observed smiling at her "are you waiting for someone?"

"No we just missed the bus," Diana informed him.

Frowning he said surely you're not thinking about walking in the rain?"

"We have to get home," Diana moved to open the door.

"Wait let me give you a ride," the man suggested.

Shaking her head "I don't want to put you out."

"It's not a bid deal," he smiled "come on let me do this."

"Peas mama it wet," Isabel inserted into the conversation.

***

Grabbing his arm Jennifer cried out "look it's him it's Colt."

"You sound like that's a good thing," Chase eyed the girl "yet when Robbie met Miranda in this timeline it wasn't. What's the difference?"

Averting her gaze she mumbled "I'm not mad at Diana. I want her to be happy...."

"Any reason why you don't wan't Robbie to be happy?" He shook his head. She had so much potential but her thinking was so warped.

"I want him to be happy too," she said grudgingly "I shouldn't have done what I did to him." Tears sliding down her cheeks "he probably hates me. How can I blame him if he does? I'd hate me too."

***

Diane kept glancing over at him "I've seen you before..."

Laughing he nodded "I opened at a club you were dancing at."

"I....I....oh dear," she stammered feeling her face heat up.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. You have to make a living right?"

Shrugging Diana looked out the window "not according to Mrs Du Mont."

"That woman," he laughed "no one meets with her approval. She tried to get me kicked out of the complex when she found out I played the guitar. Devil's music don't you know."

"I thought that was rock n' roll," Diana laughed with him.

"That too but she didn't exactly wait for me to explain. Just jumped to conclusions." Looking at Isabel asleep in the backseat "I suppose she was your daycare provider."

"She was until tonight," she looked over at him "she found out what I do for a living and decided Izzy had to go. She thought that she'd contaminate the other kids or something."

"That woman is a menace," he frowned "you live in this neighborhood?"

"It's not much but it's all I can afford," Diana moved to get out. Before she was to able to Isabel from the backseat Colt had her and insisted upon carrying her up to her apartment.

"I would be remiss if I didn't see you to your door," he explained. He waited patiently while Diana got her keys and let them in. After laying Isabel on the couch Colt stood up and backed towards the door. "Would it be alright if I called you sometime?"

Nodding Diana smiled in response "I'd like that."

"Good," he said turning to leave. Stopping at the door "So are you going to give me your number?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she said waiting for him to get out his phone.

"Thank you," he said as he left the apartment.

Smiling Diana closed and latched the door behind him. It felt good to meet someone who didn't judge her as soon as they found she stripped for a living.

***

"He better call," Jennifer announced to the room in general.

"What does it matter if he does or doesn't. You could wipe this all out by going back in time and changing one infinitesimal thing," Chase pointed out.

"I know," she said under her breath. "What should I do?" she cried "I don't want to give up on my dream but I....I..." She buried her head in her hands "I don't know what to do. I want to go back and undo everything I've done....and I can't."

Chase pulled her close letting her sob on his shoulder "You have to stop. Accept that your dad is gone...."

Clinching her fist in his shirt she cried "I don't know if I can. I've given up my dreams, my life to bring daddy back..."

"Sweetheart I've always been here," Robert told her "I'm sorry it can't be the way you want it. It's time to let me go. Time to live your life."

Wiping her eyes she turned to her dad "how daddy? This is all I know."

"Sweetheart your life isn't over," Robert told her "you have time to change. To make new dreams."

"But .... I've done so much harm. Mom, Drew, Alex they're all dead because of me. The babies that should have been born and no longer exist. I've hurt people I don't even know. Amanda and the pain she's in." Jennifer stopped gulping for air "I'm so sorry daddy I didn't think that something so simple could be so bad."

"Nothing is as simple as it appears honey," Robert kissed her forehead.

"How do I go on knowing everything I've done," she cried "Robbie and Amanda hate me..."

"It'll be alright," Robert told her "give them time. Give yourself time. They'll forgive you."

"No they won't but I'll try," she looked up at him "I'll do it for you daddy. I'll make you proud of me." She stood up running from the shack she called home. Startled Robert and Chase followed after her.

With shaking hands she entered a code into the time machine. As the door opened she hesitated a moment looking back at Chase running towards her. For a moment she allowed herself to wonder what it would have been like to be kissed for real. To be held by someone who loved her. It was too late for her. She didn't deserve the happy ever after ending. Turning to enter the time machine a force knocked her away just as the explosion went off.

Running up beside her Chase picked her up "why did you do that? You could have been killed."

"I know," she mumbled looking up at him "I don't deserve to live. I've done to much. I don't deserve a second chance."

Holding her as she sobbed Chase smoothed her long hair "sometimes we don't get to decide why we get the second chance and someone else doesn't. But what we do with that second chance is our decision."

He moved to get up only to have Jennifer grab him "no don't go. Please just hold me."