Screams filled the silent room as the paramedics shook their heads. "No please," Mommy pleaded "don't give up." She fell to her knees reaching for daddy. A man in uniform pulled her away so the paramedics could put daddy on a gurney.
"Where are you taking him?" I scream running towards them. Hands from behind grab me, preventing me from following. I watch helplessly as they take my daddy away. "Where are they taking him?" I demand.
Jennifer kneels down and hugs me. Tears streaming from her eyes saying "daddy's dead..."
"No...no....no...." I scream putting my hands to my ears trying to block the awful words she is saying. I know I'm being a brat but I really can't help it. Something awful has just happened right before my eyes. A mean ugly old lady shot my daddy and the men who were supposed to help him were taking him away. Staring at the blood on the floor I can't help but think this was all that was left. Daddy's blood ...I throw myself on the floor pounding it with my fists and screaming "I want my daddy....I want my daddy."
I don't know how long I'm on the floor screaming and kicking before someone picks me up and carries me away. I struggle in his arms hitting, kicking and screaming. He just lets me until I wear myself out. Sniffling I raise my head from his shoulder. I look into my uncle's grief filled eyes. I see my pain mirrored in his. I reach up and run my hands across his face feeling the wetness from his tears. "My daddy's dead," I tell him in a voice I no longer recognize as my own.
"I know sweet heart," his voice soothing even as it sends knife pricks to my heart. He sounds so much like daddy. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze afraid that he too will go away leaving me alone in a world that has suddenly gone cold and dark.
Over the next several days we stay with Uncle Gene at his summer house. I long to go home, where I can see and remember daddy as he was. Not this nightmare that is stuck in my head. "Why can't we go home?" I ask Jennifer who is sitting staring into outer space.
"We have to wait for the crime scene cleaners to be done..."
"What are crime scene cleaners? Why can't mommy clean the house?" I don't understand. I notice Jennifer rolling her eyes at my questions as if she thinks I'm stupid or something.
"They're cleaning up the blood," she tells me before she walks away.
The idea of complete strangers cleaning up what was left of daddy felt wrong to me and made my heart feel heavy and sad. It seemed to me that someone who loved him should be doing that not strangers who didn't know or care about him. The more questions I ask the more I feel I'm being ignored. Mama cried all the time and my siblings would shake their heads at me and leave. I have so many unanswered questions like why did this happen? Why did daddy have to die? Where was he? Why couldn't I go there too? Eventually I give up asking not that the questions ever went away. It was just easier not to ask.
The unanswered questions popped up in my dreams where my mind tried to unravel the mysteries of death. In my dreams I would be trapped in an endless network of tunnels that connected every individual coffin of every dead person that ever died. My dream always started the same with me waking up inside my own coffin screaming as I realize I am buried and struggling to get. I find the hidden door and crawl through the dark constricting tunnel until I reach a room where other dead people were emerging. "Where am I?" I ask the nearest person.
She turns towards me and I scream. It's a walking skeleton dressed in a long dress. Wide eyed in terror I realize that everyone in that room were in various stages of decomposition. The worst part were the bugs and maggots crawling in and out of their mouths and eye sockets. I turn and run blindly down the nearest tunnel I think is the one I came in from. I stumble into the wrong coffin that is occupied by a hideous monster. Screaming I run in a different direction. As I run I start to scream for daddy. I end up in another room like the first one but larger. Hundreds of dead people are roaming about and I almost duck back into the tunnel when I see him. I scream for him, he turns and smiles.
I run towards him eager to feel his arms around be again. I lose sight of him in the crowd. It feels like like more and more people are crowding into the room. I try to crawl through their legs but lose track of where daddy is. Standing and screaming for him I see something, a hideous monster it's mouth a dark void of nothingness. The room is filled with screams of terror as people panic and stampede for the tunnels.
I look up into that void and see it consume one person after another. I can't move even though it is bearing down on me. I scream as it comes closer just as I am sure it's about to devour me daddy grabs me and pushes me into a tunnel. I turn to hug him but he is gone, swallowed by the void. I wake up screaming drenched in sweat and tears.
Sobbing I feel Uncle Gene wrap his arms around me. Telling me I'm safe. He must never sleep between my nightmares and Matt's he is constantly in our room with one or another of us crying on his shoulder. Sometimes the thought of my cousin Matt angers me. If he hadn't run that woman wouldn't have shot daddy. Sometimes I think I hate him.
One afternoon I come into the house and hear someone say that daddy's body was being released. I wonder what they mean, released from where? As the adults notice me they fall silent and refuse to acknowledge me. I don't know why I ask, no one ever answers me. I look pleadingly towards Uncle Gene who looks towards mommy before saying "it means the autopsy is done and we are able to organize the funeral for your daddy."
He gets up and gives me a hug. If it weren't for him I doubt I would know anything at all. As much as I miss daddy I miss mommy more She's right here and yet she's not. It's like she's been swallowed by the void and all I have left are the remnants. I want my family back the way it was before daddy went away. I kiss Uncle Gene's cheek as I squeeze his neck whispering in his ear "I love you."
He tweaks my nose as he releases me and I see the twinkle in his eye. It's like seeing daddy again and I have to blink my eyes to keep from crying in front of all these people. I wish they would all go home.
I aimlessly go upstairs where I find Matt crying on the floor while Jeff and Ian are rolling on the floor fighting. I'm about to run away when I hear Jeff say "it's all Matt's fault. He wouldn't have died if he hadn't ran."
I turn to find Matt crying harder like he has an endless waterfall of tears inside him. I felt the impact of my brother's hurtful words. The pain. The anger. Even the hate came through loud and clear. The same words I had thought inside my head many times but never said out loud. As the boys struggle on the floor I feel myself being transported back to the worst day of my life.
Staring at the woman. Seeing the gun. Knowing that at any moment she could shoot. The moment Matt ran I tried to grab him. Running after him, desperate to stop him. Then daddy was there blocking my way. Pushing Matty down. The gun going off. It was as if I was there at the moment all over again so vivid did I see it and I knew. "It's not Matty's fault. Please stop Jeff. It's not Matt's fault." I try to pull my brother off of Ian while screaming it's not Matty's fault.
Jeff stands up glaring at me "I was there I saw what he did."
Shaking my head I say "No Jeff daddy wouldn't want you pointing fingers and blaming him. Daddy died saving me."
"What are you talking about?" Jeff asks as he leans against the wall.
Taking a deep breath I explain to him what I remember. What I did. Why daddy was where he was when the gun went off. He was where I should have been. Daddy died because I was running after Matt.
Jeff glares at me saying the words I expect and dread "I hate you." He runs past me and down the stairs. I see his tears as he rushes past.
I burst into tears falling to my knees. "Why did he have to die protecting me? Why couldn't I die too?" To my surprise I feel arms wrap around me, comforting me. I find myself crying on Matt's shoulder. He was caring for me like I hadn't ignored him or pretended he didn't exist. "I'm sorry," I mumble to him. His arms tighten around me and I wish he were my brother.
The night before the funeral I have the same nightmare about the void. It was sucking in everyone I loved until I was the only left. As it crept closer to where I crouch in fear I cover my eyes so that I can't see it as it swallows me. At the very last second I feel his presence as he picks me up and protects me. I try to hold on to him but it always ends the same with me alone in the tunnel.
I wake up shivering, my pillow soaked in tears. Lying back I stare into the shadows until the tears start to fall from my eyes again. Why did he have to die? Why couldn't I die too? I have no one or anything left. I'm all alone. Left behind where everyone hates me.
"Baby girl you're not alone," I jump at the sound of his voice. Looking around the room I see no one but I'm positive I'm not alone. I shiver from more than the cold as I hear his voice once more "You're never alone. Even if I can't be here with you like before I'm still here."
"Daddy?" I call into the night imagining I'm back in my nightmare and the shadows in my room is the void come to get me. "Daddy take me with you," I cry.
"Baby girl you can't come," I look up and I see him or something I believe is him.
"Daddy I miss you" I feel his arms wrap around me, comforting me. I feel safe and loved.
"Baby I know and I'm sorry," he kisses my forehead while I try to cling to him afraid he'll disappear.
"Everyone hates me," I mumble on his shoulder.
"No they don't," he squeezes me tight "they're scared and alone too. They don't mean to be cruel." I let his words comfort me as it reminds me of how he was always knowing what I needed to hear.
"Mommy never talks me anymore," I complain trying to pour out my troubles to him before he leaves me again.
"She loves you sweet heart," he kisses my cheek "give her time."
"I will daddy...." I hesitate for a moment before asking "why did you step in front of me? I should be the one who died not you. It's not right...." I want to say I'm sorry but he cuts me off.
"I love you," he smiles at me "there is no better reason than love. Live your life sweetie and be happy." He begins to fade away and before he disappears completely he whispers in my ear "I love you." I close my eyes secure in the knowledge that I am loved.
In Loving Memory of
Robert Matthew Bennett
Robert died the way he lived his life putting family first. He was a loving husband, father, son and brother. His presence will be deeply missed.
Robert was preceded in death by sister Sydney Marie Bennett.
Favorite Quote: "Be careful how you speak to your children, one it will become their inner voice." by Peggy O'Mara
He is survived by his wife Grace, Four daughters Jennifer, Diana, Amanda, Drew and two sons Alexander and Jeffrey.
William (Amelia) Bennett
Children: Paul, Gregory, Bryan, Anthony, Susan and Joyce
Evelyn (Shon) Olivia
Children: Mark, Dana, Don, Robert, Terrell and Gilbert
Casey (Lynn) Bennett
Children: Edward, Thomas and Christina
Gene (Aimee) Bennett
Brother: Michael - Children: Jasmine, Stephanie, Ian and Matthew
Beverly (Adam) Van Winkle
Children: Heath, Irissa and Jonah
I was holding it together until the very end where it says "In loving memory of Robert Bennett." It makes the characters feel so real, and I feel like I lost someone that I had watched grow up. It's very sad. Now I know why you wwere upset about Ethan's funeral :'( Robert was really awesome, but it's exciting to see him as a ghost. Hopefully he doesn't disappear. Matt! Poor baby blames himself, and it isn't right that Drew blames herself or Jeff blames her either, even though I know they're upset. I felt her pain. This was a well written but extremely sad chapter. I hope that Grace pulls it together because the children need their mother right now. Wow, there are A LOT of alien children in the Bennett family xD
ReplyDeleteIKR Ethan's funeral was a shock to the system. I just loved him with Apollo together. I'm looking forward to seeing him again but I don't want him to die again like I know he has to :(
DeleteI loved Robert too and he went through so much in his life. I wish I could have given him happier ending. We'll see Robert pop-up in the story here and there.
Poor Matt he feels terrible for what happened but he's not to blame anymore than Drew is. Hopefully they'll get over blaming themselves for something they had no control over. Plus they have Gene to help them. Despite his pain he's going to be there for both Matt and Drew throughout their lives. Jeff will come around he loves his sister he just needs someone to take his pain out on unfortunately for Drew she's an easy target. Grace will pull herself together. At the moment she's devastated. This is the second husband she's lost tragically and she's not coping very well with it.
There are a lot of little aliens running around LOL I didn't realize just how many until I did all the family pictures. I'm glad the alien abductions have stopped :)
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Holy god, your families are so huge. LOL.
ReplyDeleteBut so beautiful. I loved all the pictures of them.
The siblings and cousins seem to be all hateful towards each other and there's a lot of blame being thrown around, which is so sad. I wonder how many years that attitude will go on. I don't blame Grace for being absent, I can't even imagine going through what she has. I am glad Gene is there for Drew, and now Matt as well. I kind of feel like this next generation's family dynamic is going to be nowhere near as close as the previous ones.
I blame Jessica and her baby lust but really it's me playing around with NRAAS autonomous try for baby and forgetting it was on. But I had no idea that every time they'd woohoo it would be try for baby and she'd get pregnant every single time. lol
DeleteThank you! I'm glad you enjoyed them.
It's a difficult time for the entire family and since Gene's kids were there when all of this happened everyone seems to be blaming Matt. Gene is doing all he can to help both kids cope but it's going to take time. Grace is pretty of it and she's reliving her worst nightmare, this is the second time she's lost her husband under tragic circumstances. We'll see about the family dynamic as the story goes. There are forces at play that keep mixing things up.