"Dad do you ever wonder where the aliens came from? or why they experimented on you?"
"Why all the questions, sweetie?" William asked not wanting to discus this again with her. "You know I don't have the answers."
"I know Dad but I have so many questions and so few answers."
"I know sweetheart and I'm sorry," William said giving her a hug.
"I'm so confused about who I am and wonder if there's a purpose for my existence. Or was I an accident, an unfortunate side effect of an experiment gone wrong."
"Oh sweetie I've asked myself those same questions. I wish I had the answers but I don't. My worst fear is that they'll come back and take you away."
Looking thoughtful, Evelyn said "I wouldn't mind having a chance to talk to them. At least I might have some of my questions answered."
"It may not be that simple Evie. The aliens may just want to see how their experiment is progressing and have no real feelings for you."
"But Dad your biased and can't..."
"No your right I am. I can't think about the aliens without becoming emotional. I was nothing more than a lab rat to them to do with as they pleased. You can't expect me to be happy with the idea you want to seek them out."
"I know Daddy, I'm sorry," Evelyn said "But they're the only ones with the answers I need."
"I know sweetie, I do understand. I'm concerned that once they have you they'll never let you leave. I don't want to lose you."
Evelyn attempted to smile saying "I doubt they want me. They haven't come in seventeen years. I'm afraid they were interested in whether they could then in whether they should. Do you think they'll come back and try it again?"
"I'm sure they will."
"But why? Wasn't once enough?"
"Once would be a fluke. If they're able to replicate it, then it moves into provable fact. I don't know the reasons but they will try again." William's mind went back to the aliens that were with the doctor at the hospital. He was sure they were ready to try again, this time with the help of someone with knowledge of human anatomy. He shivered at how close he had come to producing another half alien child.
Afterwards, Evelyn found it difficult to settle down and wandered aimlessly around the yard. Stopping at the telescope Evelyn wondered if she would ever find the aliens responsible for her existence. She didn't want to worry her Father but she needed answers, to know, to understand her alien side. She couldn't give up the hope that one day she would have the opportunity to meet them. She spent hours searching for signs of aliens somewhere in the night sky.
The next day William was up with Michael. "Wanna dance little man?" William asked picking him up and dancing around the room. He enjoyed every chance he had to play and nurture each one of his kids. He never imagined having such a large family but he wouldn't give any of them up. Thinking about his conversation the night before with Evelyn, he hoped he was wrong. But deep in his bones he knew he would see the aliens again. His worst fear would be they would turn their attention from him to his children. The idea startled him so much he stopped dancing.
"More Daddy more," Michael giggled.
William started moving again and was rewarded with Michaels happy chatter in his ear. William would give anything to prevent his children experiencing what he went through.
Gene had to stay after school for disrupting class again. As usual the teacher sent him to the principles office.
"Well Gene, what have you got to say for yourself?"
Shrugging Gene said "Not much to say."
"Son with this attitude you'll never make it into college."
"Who says I'm going?"
"Don't you want to? With your intelligence and some self-control you could accomplish anything you want. Tell me what you need so that I can help you. What are your goals?"
"Haven't got any goals"
"Alright. Let's try something else. I'm scheduling you to see the school guidance counselor and he can discuss what your options are."
"Suit yourself," Gene shrugged slouching in his chair. "But I won't go."
"It's either that or detention and I call your parents. Then you can explain your behavior to them. I'm trying to work with you Gene. I know your better than this."
Gene gave his principle a simmering stare as he thought 'you don't know me. This is who I am, a screw up, a pathetic excuse of a human being.'
"Son your trying to hard to be the outcast. It isn't you. I want you to talk to the guidance counselor today. Be there or suffer the consequences."
Gene sat there debating with himself whether he wanted to push this further. Inwardly he shrugged, what difference would it make, it was all coming to an end anyway. Principle Shanahan was an ok guy better than most. "Ok you win. Can I go now?"
The principle shook his head as he watched Gene leave. He knew he should have given him detention but he could sense something was eating away at this kid. He hoped talking to the counselor would help before the kid self-destructed. He picked up his phone, shaking his head hoping he was doing the right thing.
Gene kept his appointment with the guidance counselor. He spent an hour slumped in his chair staring at him.
"Son do you have anything to say?"
Gene sighed and shook his head. The counselor pressed his lips together and handed some brochures to Gene. "This is some information on local colleges you might be interested in."
"Don't you mean who might be interested in discipline cases with bad grades?" Gene scoffed taking the brochures and leaving. Before he got through the door the counselor said "I'll see you tomorrow same time."
Hesitating, Gene said "not if I'm dead," and kept going. Once he got outside he sat down and wrote in his notebook.
Dear Family,
Please accept my apology for being the source of so much unhappiness and pain. I'm sorry I'm not the son I should be. Words cannot express the deep regret I have for my actions the night of the fire. I took the batteries and because of me the firemen were unable to respond to the fire. It was my fault. I thought I could live with this pain but I cannot. Please forgive me my cowardice. I do not wish to bring you more pain but I know it cannot be much. How could you love someone who killed your daughter? I cannot even stand myself. I am so full of hate and loathing that I cannot stand to see my own reflection. I love you too much to foist my vile presence upon you. I know you cannot love me and for this I blame myself. After tonight my existence will only be an unpleasant fading memory.
Gene
Seeing Gene writing in his notebook, Pearl asked "Did you have detention?"
"Naw had to talk to the guidance counselor. Shanahan thinks I have potential and the counselor gave me some brochures to read."
"You know it wouldn't hurt to look at them. Keep your options open."
Snorting in disbelief Gene threw the brochures into the nearest trash can. "Come on lets ditch this place and find something to eat."
Leaving the restaurant Pearl said "Thanks for supper. Now I should be getting home."
"Hey not so fast," grabbing her arm Gene said "Did you remember to bring it?"
"Bring what?" Pearl asked looking past him towards the setting sun.
"You know, the pills. You said you would."
"I'm not so sure about this. They're prescription. I don't think you should be taking them without a doctors say so."
"But you promised," Gene said "You know I haven't been sleeping well. You said these would help. Don't you want to help me?"
"Yes .... but it's still not a good idea," Pearl sighed handing her mothers sedatives to Gene. "Just be careful and don't take more than you need."
"Don't worry I won't," Gene said rubbing his neck wondering how many he would need to take to finish the job.
"Here let me," Pearl stepped behind him and messaged his neck and shoulders.
"Hmm that feels good,"
"Good. Now go home and get a good nights sleep."
"You bet with these," shaking the bottle in his hand "I'll sleep like the dead."
Instead of going home, Gene went to a local park and tried to fish. He had hoped fishing would help him relax but he was more keyed up than ever. He finally had the means to put his plan into action. A grin spread across his his face as he shook the bottle in his hand.
He wondered if he should just take them now. This place was as good as any other. But he still had things he wanted to do first, like making sure his Dad found his note. 'Who are you kidding? You're just a chicken' a little voice in his head told him. 'Just take the pills now. Waiting will only delay the inevitable. Your family won't miss you any more now than later'.
His hands shook as he fell to his knees gripping the bottle unable to open it due to his violent shaking. The voice in his head taunted him 'Just do it, get it done and over with.'
Beverly tried her best to get good grades in school. Despite missing her friends she left behind, she liked living in Barnacle Bay. No one here knew about the fire so there were no awkward silences. Her old friends had started to treat her differently, some even quit talking to her altogether. Here she was just the new girl.
She missed her sister and had stopped asking for bed time stories. Somehow it just wasn't the same anymore and she didn't want to be untrue to her sister's memory. It had been their special time together.
"Honey it's time for bed."
"But Daddy I'm not tired," she protested.
"Would it help if I read to you?" William asked expecting her to say no as she had done since the fire. He was surprised when she said yes.
"What's the matter sweet heart?" William asked when he finished.
"Daddy why did Sydney have to go away?"
"Oh pumpkin I don't know. Sometimes bad things just happen."
"Sometimes I think I caused the fire"
"Why do you think that?" William asked in concern
"Because I saw the fire going in the fire place and I didn't tell her. I fell asleep while she was reading to me. Then it was too late. If I had told her none of this would have happened. It's my fault."
"Is that why you haven't wanted me to read to you?"
Nodding her head Beverly said "Yes Daddy. It's my punishment."
"Your punishment?" William asked confused "Oh honey, it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to be punished for. You didn't start the fire did you?" Beverly shook her head. "Then you haven't done anything to be punished for now have you?"
"I guess not," Beverly whispered.
"I know not," William confirmed "Listen pumpkin sometimes awful things happen that we have no control over and can't prevent no matter how hard we try. It doesn't mean it's our fault. Do you understand?"
"Maybe a little," Beverly yawned "I think I can sleep now. Thank you Daddy."
William kissed her goodnight, hoping her dreams would be happy ones. He sighed knowing it was going to take awhile before the family healed. William wondered what things were festering in the minds of his children's minds and whether he would be able to help them when it came up.
"Mom?" Evelyn hesitated
"Yes dear, what is it?" Jessica asked surprised that Evelyn was coming to her instead of William.
"Well Dad thought you might know more than him on this subject."
"What could I know more about than him?" Jessica wondered aloud.
"I thought the same thing."
Stifling an indignant snort Jessica asked "so how can I help?"
"How do you know when a boy really likes you?"
"Hmm that is a difficult question. Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts."
"That's what Dad said. So I just have to take a chance."
"Yes sometimes you do Evelyn. Sometimes a guy is out to get what he can get and that applies to some girls as well. But if he genuinely likes you he will go out of his way to help you. He'll do it without expecting anything in return."
Thinking this over Evelyn said as much to herself as to her mom , Like Shon was with Sydney."
"You could say that. Shon was able to bring out the best in Sydney." Jessica agreed. "When you meet the right one, he'll do the same for you."
"Thank you Mom," Sydney said giving her a spontaneous hug.
After talking with her Mom, Evelyn was feeling a little restless and decided to check out the new inventing table her Dad had given her. She had been a little envious of her siblings artistic talents. She was all thumbs when came to painting and chemistry held little interest to her. But for some reason she found tinkering around with bits of junk relaxing and she a knack for creating gadgets from it.
She realized she was almost out of scrap for the project she was working on and decided to take a quick trip to the junkyard. She scavenged around and found several items she could use. She lugged them all back to the house. While she worked her mind kept drifting to the time she spent with Shon while her brothers were in the hospital. She wondered how he was and if he missed them. If only she could meet someone like him.
The months flew by and it was soon Michaels birthday. As he grew everyone could see he resembled his sister Sydney. They hoped his attitude would be different though. Michael was attached to Robert and the night of his birthday he started to fuss and cry until Robert picked him up. It didn't stop the tantrum that was building but it did help, he cuddled into Roberts neck and whimpered into his ear.
Robert comforted him saying "It's alright bud, I don't like crowds either. But your safe with me."
Robert carried him around for the rest of the evening. Whenever someone came up to them, Michael would turn his head and bury his face into Roberts shoulder. Once the party wound down and everyone left, Michael wanted down.
"I don't get it" Jessica said "Michael's so easy going I wonder what got into him tonight.
"Maybe he doesn't like crowds," Robert suggested "I don't like lots of people around either. He seems fine now."
"Think your right, Rob." William said watching Michael crawl over to Evelyn.
Evelyn picked him up and carried him over to a quiet spot in the hall and tried to teach him a few words. She soon lost interest finding it more difficult than she expected. However with patience and endurance William was able to teach him the basics and Michael picked up the rest. Soon Michael was talking nonstop and repeating things that know one knew he had even heard.
Jessica noticed that Michael was attempting to stand on his own and walking along the furniture. She decided it was time he learned to walk. He learned quickly and was soon walking everywhere. Potty training was a different story. A wet messy diaper didn't bother him but to take him away from his chosen activity to the potty was enough to start a tantrum.
The only thing he disliked more was to be left in his crib. If he was awake he wanted out and he would scream until someone came. Both William and Jessica were looking forward to the time when he was big enough to not be in a crib anymore.
As the house was so small, they decided to set up the baby crib in their room. The only other room was with Robert but due to his moodiness they elected not to pursue that option. So it was their room or the hallway so they rearranged the furniture putting most of the extra furniture into storage. Having the baby in the same room would make it convenient when the baby cried during the night.
They were still deciding upon names when Jessica went into labor three weeks early. After twelve hours of labor Jessica gave birth to a healthy baby boy. In a way William was grateful that the new baby wasn't a girl as he was afraid he would have compared her to Sydney. A week later they were able to bring Michael home.
William would get up in the middle of the night and feed Michael, letting Jessica sleep. He was delighted to have this new little one to nurture and love. His heart was mending; although the hole left by Sydney would never be whole, it was a little less empty. After feeding and changing Michael, William sat in their new rocking chair that Jessica had brought home.
He thought about the day when Jessica brought the chair home.
"Honey what are we going to do with that?" William asked as they fought to get it through the door.
"It's perfect for the baby and it'll match the other chairs."
"But Jess we don't have room," William protested wondering if he would have the strength to lug it out again.
"I always wanted a rocking chair when the kids were small. When I saw this for sale, I knew I had to have it."
"Ok, ok where do you want it?" William asked once they had wrestled into the room.
After surveying the room, Jessica sighed realizing William was right. "I, I don't know. You're right we don't have room."
"Well," looking around the room "how about here?" William suggested.
"In the corner? We'll be hitting the wall and ..."
"It's temporary, Jess. Michael won't always be in our room and the damage to the wall won't be anything that can't be fixed."
"And you don't want to carry it out,"
"No I don't. It's here to stay."
William must have fallen asleep in the chair. When he woke he found Robert in the room, holding Michael.
"Hey little bro, I'm your big brother."
Some instinct kept William from moving and giving the impression he was still asleep.
"I promise to do all I can to protect you. If for some reason I let you down I hope you'll know it wasn't because I didn't try. I did all I could or knew how to do to save your sister. But it wasn't enough. Your my second chance to prove I'm not a failure."
"Son you don't have anything to prove," William said unable to remain silent any longer.
"Dad, how long? I thought you were asleep," Robert stammered still holding Michael.
"I heard enough. Do you think we blame you for what happened to Sydney?"
"No not you," Robert said turning away to put Michael in his crib. "I blame myself," he mumbled.
"Son look at me," William said getting up from the rocker. When Robert still stood facing away from him, William went over and put his hand on Roberts shoulder. "Son I'm grateful you were there that night. I know the decision you faced was awful but someone had to make it. You could've all perished in the fire if you hadn't acted the way you had. Sydney sacrificed herself when she chose to push Casey out of the way. If you hadn't carried your brother out, her sacrifice would have been for nothing. Don't you see, you saved your brother's life. You made the only decision you could. Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing we can do about it. It doesn't make you a bad person or a failure for not being able to prevent it."
"Dad, I'm so sorry. I keep reliving it in my head. I keep thinking if I had done this or did that, things would have turned out differently."
"Son it's easy to look back and wonder what if but all it'll do is drive you crazy. You did the best you could do. No one could ask for more." Looking into his son's eyes William said "Son I know you're finding it difficult to talk to the counselor but do you think that you might be able to now? It might help."
"Yeah I'll try," Robert agreed "Dad, I don't know what I'd do without you." William gave Robert a hug, letting him cry upon his shoulder. This was the first time Robert was coming to terms with the loss of his sister. Holding his son, William wished he could take his pain away and vowed he would do whatever he could to make it better.
"Dad you have a moment?"
"Sure what's on your mind?" William asked turning to Gene.
"Well I was wondering when you were going to teach me how to drive."
"How about this weekend? William suggested.
Frowning Gene said "Why not tonight?"
"What's the hurry?"
"Well..." Gene stopped blushing
"Oh I see. There's a girl."
Shrugging Gene said "Yeah maybe."
"Ok right after supper. I'll give you your first lesson."
"Great."
While preparing supper, Evelyn wandered in "Dad how will I know if I boy really likes me?"
"Has someone asked you out?"
"Charlie Kidd. He seems nice but I wonder if he likes me for me and not because I'm different."
"Does this have anything to do with how things ended with Evan?"
Evelyn shrugged "I really liked Evan but he just wanted one thing. When I refused to put out he dumped me."
"This may be something you need to talk to your mother about."
"I'd rather talk to you."
"Ok," William sighed "Honey there's no sure fire way to know until you take a chance and get to know them."
"But what if I get hurt or make a mistake."
"Well if you never take a chance, you'll never know. You may even miss out on something special."
"So your saying I should throw caution to the wind."
"I'm saying talk to your mother," William mumbled. "I'm not saying this right. Evie you need to trust your instincts. If you think something isn't right it probably isn't. Don't let fear rule your life or you'll find out you're missing out on a lot of great things."
While William spoke with Evelyn and prepared supper, Gene took the opportunity to write a love poem to Pearl. He figured Pearl to be the kind of girl who would like a dopey poem. He doubted she received very many, most guys seemed to be more interested in looks than brains. She seemed to be on the same intellect level as Robert. Gene smirked when he thought that the girl he wanted would have been better suited for his brother. Fortunately for him, Robert was still missing his girlfriend he left behind in Aurora Skies to really notice Pearl.
After supper William took Gene for his first lesson; which was almost his last.
"Gene I said to slow it down," William shouted as he saw how close they were to the side of the cliff.
"Dad I did," Gene said looking at the speed-o-meter that still showed he was going 10 miles over the limit. He took another curve a little too fast and he sensed rather than saw his Dad brace himself in the passenger seat.
"Gene if you want to learn to drive you need to listen to me. If not you can wait and take Drivers Ed in school."
"But Dad the classes are always full and you have to enroll at least a year in advance I'll never get in."
"That may be your only option if you don't slow down and listen."
"Ok, ok you win," Gene slowed down to the speed limit and started to listen to most of what William was telling him.
"Stop," William shouted. "For crying out loud, didn't you see that stop sign?"
"What stop sign?" Gene shot back.
"Do you need glasses? It was in plain sight. Put it in park. We're done."
"But Dad I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
"I said we're done." William said waiting for Gene to do as he said. Once he was sure Gene was complying, he got out and walked around to the driver's side and waited for Gene to get in. They drove home in silence.
"Does this mean that I'll have to take Driver's Ed?" Gene asked getting out of the van.
"I don't know. I'm not sure I can take another episode like this one. You've got to listen to me Gene. If you won't I can't teach you."
"Give me another chance, please. I promise I'll do better." Gene pleaded.
"We'll see," William said going into the house.
"Hey Mikey," Gene said as he picked up his baby brother. "My first driving lesson didn't go so well. You should have seen Dad. I thought he was going to blow a gasket."
Looking down at the smiling face of his brother Gene said "Do yourself a favor, don't turn out like me. I'm trouble and don't deserve the family I have. One day my parents are going to wake up and see me for who I really am." Taking a deep breath Gene continued "I'll tell you a secret. I killed my sister. When they find out everyone will hate me," Bringing his face closer to Michael he whispered "I don't blame them, I already hate myself."
Gene was having difficulty in his physics class and asked Pearl, the smartest girl in class to help him with his homework.
"I don't get it," Gene grumbled shoving his homework aside in disgust.
"Hold on a sec, have some patience," Pearl chided him looking at the problem and seeing where Gene went wrong. "Ok, this is what you did but this is how you get to the right answer." She patiently explained the solution. Gene listened and grasped the explanation, nodding in understanding.
"Why can't the teacher explain it in such a way I can understand it. He seems to thrive on making it more difficult than it should be.
"That's not the problem," Pearl said softly.
"Huh, what do you mean? Of course it is."
"Well when was the last time you actually paid attention in class?" she challenged.
"I was in class all day but it was so boring," Gene shrugged knowing that he had become distracted. Shooting spit balls at the nerd in the front row. He took great pleasure every time he nailed him in the back of the head. The nerd would turn around in a futile attempt to see who did it and each time the class would erupt in laughter.
The teacher would turn around and face the class demanding to know what was going on, then he would tell the class to settle down. The teacher's face turned redder each time as he lost his patience and lost further control of his students.
"If you gave the teacher half a chance you might learn something," Pearl suggested.
"Not likely," Gene mumbled. Seeing that Pearl was about to say something else Gene continued "Don't start in on me. I get enough of that at school. I always get blamed for every disruption that happens. Then I have to endure the principles lectures on proper decorum and respect for my elders."
"Well if you want to go to college you need this class."
"Who said I was going to college? Not me. I'm done as soon as I turn eighteen. I don't need to know this crap. I'll never use it."
"Then why'd you want me to come over and help you if you don't care to learn it?"
"Because my Dad will blow a gasket if he knows I'm failing. Coupled with the note from the principle I thought this might appease him. Show him I'm making an effort."
"I take it he doesn't know you're not going to college."
"Are you kidding? There's plenty of time for that. No sense giving him a heart attack until I have to."
"He wouldn't approve?" Pearl asked.
"Let's just say he'd be disappointed. Neither my mom or dad went to college, so he wants all us kids to go. He'll understand, I just have to wait before I lay it on him."
"Well he seems to be a pretty understanding guy. So what's this video you were showing everyone in class today?" Pearl asked changing the subject.
"What you were actually paying attention instead of watching my video?" Gene asked in mock disgust.
"So sue me. I actually do want to go to college."
"Yeah whatever teacher's pet. Get a load of this." Gene held his phone out so she could see the video. He enjoyed watching her face as she watched going from shocked to somewhat entertained. "Good isn't?"
"It's unusual," she said unsure whether she should be fascinated or repulsed by what she had just seen.
Taking advantage of her confusion, Gene quickly stepped forward and kissed her. When he backed away he thought she would slap him but all she did was smile.
"I um I think I should go now," Pearl said more confused than ever. She thought Gene was cute but thought that he only saw her as the teacher's pet, the straight 'A' student, not someone he would ever be interested in.
Gene surprised himself when he kissed Pearl. He had never looked at her as anything other than the teacher's pet. Now he wondered if he could actually get her to go out with him. This just might be a challenge worth pursuing.
Robert was finding it increasingly difficult to be around people, even his own family. Everyday he was faced with the decision he had made. He couldn't help but wonder if he had made the right decision. Maybe he should have tried harder, maybe he could have managed to save both of them. Now he would never know. Every week he went for his appointment with the psychologist and he would talk about anything other than what he was really thinking or feeling, when he talked at all.
How could he explain that he felt he had let his sister down. That he saw himself as a coward who couldn't force himself to go beyond his fear and weakness. That he saw himself as a failure, who would let everyone down when they needed him the most. So he kept his mouth shut and let the doctor's words wash over him, than he'd leave and go back to painting.
All he wanted to do was paint. He remembered how Sydney would try and teach him some new technique and how she would become excited when someone complimented her paintings. She had such raw talent that never had a chance to blossom. Standing before Sydney's easel, Robert felt at peace and closer to his sister than he ever was when she was alive.
Robert never played chess any more and he couldn't remember the last time he read book. All he wanted to do was paint. Sometimes he would paint from morning till night, only taking a break when someone forced him to stop and eat.
"Honey I've got something to tell you," Jessica hesitated unsure of herself.
William finished the article he was reading in the paper and calmly asked "What's up?"
"How would you feel about an addition to the family?"
"No way. You're not, are you?" William got up going over to Jessica saying "You're pregnant."
Jessica nodded happily. William put his hand out to feel her stomach and grinned, remembering when this little one came to be.
"Hey little one, welcome to the family," he told the baby. Looking up into Jessica's worried face he added "Jessica I'm so happy."
"Will are you sure?"
"Of course I am. We can hardly send'em back, even if I weren't"
"I know but you were so adamant we were done. I wasn't sure how you'd take the news"
"That was so long ago Jess. Right now this moment is all that matters." Gesturing towards Jessica's stomach William continued "This is a gift. A precious gift."
