3.10 Amanda - What is and What Might Be

Sitting alone in the darkening room Amanda wiped away the steady flow of tears. Gina was getting married today. She had read the announcement in the paper. Saw her beaming happy face staring up at her from the newspaper as Gina and Vincent smiled for the cameraman. At one time Gina had been her best friend. Not anymore. Not since everything changed.

"Sweetie I'm sorry," Robert said as he floated into the room.

"Daddy why is she doing this?" she cried "can't you make her stop?"

"Sweetie if I could I would have," Robert tried to soothe her wrapping his arms around her "she won't listen...."

"It's because of her I'm like this. I feel all of their pain daddy. It never goes away. Each time she changes something I feel it. They all come to me. Their lives cut short because of her...." She choked as she gulped for air "it's never going to be the way it was. The way it was supposed to be."

"Baby I'm sorry," Robert held her tight comforting her best he could.

"I was supposed to meet Grey today. Now I'm not." She pulled away from her dad's embrace adding "sometimes I hate her for doing this to me. Ignorant or not it doesn't excuse the pain she's causing. 

Jen has to be stopped. Promise me daddy that she'll be stopped."

"I promise baby," Robert pulled her close "even if I have to go to Emit to do it. She'll be stopped."

"I know I shouldn't ask it of you. She's your daughter...."

"She was but I don't know her anymore. I don't know what happened to the girl she was. It breaks my heart to see what she's become," he shook his head "maybe if I had done things differently maybe she wouldn't be like this...."

"Daddy it's not your fault. She chose her course. She chooses to ignore the pain she's causing. Look what she did to Robbie. That had nothing to do with you. She's gone beyond trying to change the past to bring you back."

"I know she has to be stopped. I love her but she can't continue." Robert got up "she's lost her way and as much as I want to lead her back she won't let me."

Amanda watched through her tears as her dad vanished before burying her head in her hands sobbing. Today she was mourning the loss of so many things. Never meeting Grey. The loss of her happiness and a chance of having a normal life. Her lost friendships because she couldn't be around people, being touched by them because of the premonitions she received. The visits from spirits that had lost their lives too soon as time adjusted to the ripples and changes caused by her sister. Amanda didn't know how much more she could take before she lost her mind. The knowledge of knowing what should have been and being powerless to prevent the fallout of the changes being made. Worst of all knowing the warning she was supposed to give and couldn't deliver. Knowing the suffering and pain waiting people she cared about even if they no longer knew who she was. She could only hope that what awaited them had changed too.

***

"I don't believe it," Jennifer said her voice registering her shock "daddy would never hurt me..."

"No he wouldn't but you hurt him all the time," Chase told her keeping his tone flat devoid of emotions.

"Why would he want to stop me?" she asked the confusion and hurt evident in her voice "I don't understand. Doesn't he want to live again?"

"You're hurting people. He doesn't want to come back at the cost of so many others. What's so hard to understand about that?" Chase asked. He was just as mystified by her as she was with them.

Her eyes fixated on the scene before her. Shaking her head repeating to herself "I don't believe it. I don't believe it." Scowling she said with renewed determination "I won't believe it. This is a trick...all a trick." She waved a hand at the scene mumbling "it has to be."

***

Drying her eyes Amanda got up from the floor and walked outside. Breathing deeply she walked towards the lake. She walked past the spot where Grey had proposed to her and she wondered if it was time to move on. Time to close the book on what should have been. It was ridiculous to mourn the loss of someone she never even had in this time line. She couldn't keep doing this to herself. Turning she looked back at the house she had bought because it was the house she and Grey had lived so happily in. She had wanted to retain a little piece of that happiness. She hoped it would giver her some peace instead it was a constant reminder of the things she had lost. Nodding her decision made. She would list the house for sale. She couldn't' stay here anymore. Not in this house. Not in this town. If she could, not on this planet. She laughed bitterly as she continued her hike towards the lake.

As she neared the beach she recognized a well dressed couple walking hand in hand along the shoreline. Taking a deep breath she wondered if she should try and warn them. It wouldn't hurt, could it? She approached them aware of their concerned glances they kept sending her. She almost stopped but her fear of what might happen in the future kept her going. When she was almost to them she tripped and fell. She heard the girl ask "are you alright?"

Nodding "I am," Amanda mumbled dusting sand from her clothes. She accepted the hand the girl held out to help her up. "Thank you" Amanda murmured as she tried to control the jolt of shock she received as a premonition shot through her.

"Come on honey" Lee spoke from behind "we should be getting back to the party."

"Not until I'm sure she's ok," Melissa insisted.

"You know what Gina said about her," Lee's voice drifted off as Melissa scowled at him. Sighing he waited absently kicking sand with the tips of his shoes.

"My husband means well but he's being a grumpy butt," Melissa said with affection."Honey are you sure your alright?" she asked Amanda again looking at her with concern.

Nodding Amanda bit her lip. The premonition she received had confirmed her worst nightmare. The accident hadn't changed only now it was worse then it originally should have been. "Melissa I have to tell you, to warn you...."

"No you don't," Lee interrupted "Gina told us about your insane idea that we'll be in some kind of accident. It's just ridiculous...."

"Lee please maybe we should hear her out. You know Grey's mother had the sight. Maybe she knows something." Melissa put a restraining hand on his arm when he moved to walked away.

"It's all hogwash," he crossed his arms but remained silent.

"Please just hear me out," Amanda begged "all you have to do is listen. If you choose to believe or not it's up to you. At least I have the knowledge that I tried."

Looking at Melissa he nodded "I know you want to. Just remember that my aunt was only right 20 percent of the time."

Nodding Melissa kissed his cheek before turning to Amanda "what's going to happen?" Her tone indicated she considered this was all a joke. Nothing more than a game. Something she could take or leave. Not the life and death situation it was.

Sighing Amanda knew what she was going to tell them wouldn't be taken seriously and if they remembered it all it would be in jest. But she had to try. "There will be a terrible car accident on this date. You need to avoid driving along Summerset Drive at this time." She handed Melissa the note she had written in the hopes she would run into Melissa while she was in town for Gina's wedding.

Melissa politely took the note. Nodding she promised she'd remember as she turned to her husband and walked off.

Amanda heard them laughing as they walked off. Her heart sank knowing that she was nothing more to them than a crazy lady. Feeling weak she sat heavily on the ground as the tears gathered in her eyes. Blinking rapidly she tried to compose herself before someone came along and touched her in their attempt to help. She couldn't handle another premonition.

***

Staring angrily at the scene Jennifer growled deep in her throat. "That was just stupid on their part. They should have listened. They deserve whatever happens to them."

"How can you be so cold?" Chase asked not caring to know the answer. He had long since stopped caring how she thought.

"Do you really think I don't care about what's happening to my family?" she asked staring at him.

Shrugging "as far as I can tell you only care about yourself and what you want." He laughed at her trying to figure out what her angle was or if he was getting through to her.

"I...I don't know anymore," she mumbled to herself too low for him to hear.

***

The scene advanced a few years focusing in on Amanda's tense shoulders. She knew the accident was due to happen. She hoped and prayed that they had listened to her. Let them believe just enough to change their route this one time. Just this once. Turning on the news she stifled a cry as she watched firefighters trying to rescue someone from a burying vehicle. As the report announced the horrors of the accident on Summerset Drive Amanda already knew the family trapped in the car was Lee and Melissa. They hadn't listened, hadn't believed or hadn't remembered.

She knew without a doubt that they had perished in the fire. She fell to her knees weeping. Why did Gina have to tell them she was crazy? Maybe they would have believed her. Could she have done something different? Something that would have made them listen to her. She didn't know. She thought she had done all she could. It wasn't enough. She cried until she passed out on the floor.

A couple hours later "Amanda are you in here?" a deep make voice called out "Mandy" he cried as he saw her prone body on the floor. Jeff picked her up and rushed from the house. Carrying her into the emergency room a couple of orderlies came to help him.

"What's wrong with her?" they asked.

"I don't know," Jeff nearly shouted at them. Taking a deep breath he explained "I found her passed out on the floor."

"Is she pregnant?"

"No I don't think so."

"Diabetic?"

"No," Jeff jumped as a doctor came int the room.

"I'll take it from here," he announced taking the chart from the orderlies. Running through the notes they had made he asked "is she your wife?"

"No my sister," Jeff replied hoping he wasn't about to play twenty questions again.

Bending over her the doctor began to make a few routine tests and observations. While he was doing so Amanda opened her eyes "well hello young lady. How do you feel?"

"Where am I?" Amanda asked ignoring his question and focusing on Jeff.

"Your brother found you passed out on the floor and brought you to the hospital. I'm Doctor Reed," he introduced himself flashing a light in her eyes. "Did you receive any upsetting news?"

Nodding she mumbled something in response. "Been under a lot of stress lately?" Again she nodded. Turning to Jeff he smiled "I don't think anything serious is wrong with our sister other than being dehydrated and overly stressed." Smiling at her he continued "go home. Get some rest. I'll give you a prescription to help you sleep." Turning to Jeff "make sure she gets plenty of liquids. If she gets worse or passes out again bring her in and I'll run some more tests."

***

A week later Jeff hovered over Amanda as she sat on the couch listlessly staring at the floor. "Are you sure you're alright?" he asked unconvinced.

"I'm fine Jeff," Amanda lifted her brown eyes to him "thank you for looking after me but you need to get back to the academy."

"I'm not leaving until I'm sure you're alright," he looked at her in concern.

Standing she smiled up at him "as you can see my arms and legs both work fine. If I need anything I'll call you ok?"

"It's not ok but it'll have to do I guess," he hugged her tight hearing her sharp intake of air "what's wrong?" he asked.

Shaking her head trying to clear the visions from her mind "Jeff be careful."

"You saw something didn't you?" 

Nodding "I did but...." she bit her lip it's not everyday you see your brother's death scene. Making up her mind she wrote a date, time and location down "whatever you do avoid this street at this time."

"Sis isn't this tampering with time?" Jeff asked staring at the folded paper in his hand.

"I was given the sight for a reason. What use is it if I can't warn people of danger?" Crossing her arms she glanced at him "I can't lose anyone else I care about not it I can help it."

Putting his hands on her shoulders "ok sis I'll remember but I can't always prevent what situations I'll be in while I'm on duty."

"Fair enough," Amanda nodded accepting it.

"Are you serious about moving to Bridgeport?" he asked.

"I am," she smiled at him "want a roommate?" At his obvious surprise she laughed "I'm joking. Do you think I want my baby brother knowing who I bring home at night."

"Good point sis but seriously though I could probably use your help in finding people..."

"I'm not a blood hound" she frowned thinking "but if I could help by using the gift I have I'm all for it."

"Great but it'll have to be our little secret," he added "I doubt my boss would approve."

"Don't worry I don't want to be known as the police psychic either."

"When do  you think you'll be able to move?"

"As soon as the house sells," Amanda looked around the room. It was time to put closure to the life he was never going to have.

***

"Humph," Jennifer muttered stirring uneasily beside Chase.

"What's the matter?" Chase asked "Don't like what you see?"

"Actually no but I don't know what you want me to do about it," she got up and paced the small room giving the impression of a restless tiger in a cage.

"We want you to stop trying to change the past," Chase said shaking his head feeling like he was stuck on repeat.

"That's not going to happen," she glared at him "why keep bringing it up." She put a restless hand through her long hair.

Shrugging Chase sat a few moments watching her pace feeling her agitation. The room was thick with it. He made a few adjustments deciding to try something new. The scene changed jumping a head a couple of years....

***

"Lee why put yourself through this again?" his mother cried covering her face with her hands.

"Son we know this is difficult for you," his father put a hand on Lee's shoulder "but will this surgery accomplish anything more than the others did?"

"I don't know," he turned his back on them. He knew they meant well but he couldn't give up trying just because they had given up hope.

His father squeezed his shoulder "son it's time you moved on. Melissa wouldn't want you putting yourself through this..."

Lee's eyes drifted towards the family portrait on the wall taken a month before the accident. Melissa had been eight months pregnant and the twins had been almost three. Two years later and they were all gone and it was his fault. His fault for ignoring the warning. If he had only believed none of this would have happened.

He felt strong arms pull  him tight as he began to shake. He felt his knees buckle and only his father's strength kept him from falling. It was too much to for him to bear. He wanted his family back and because he couldn't do that he focused on getting his sight back in his right eye. The most the multiple surgeries had accomplished was a hazy blurry outline that was  more annoying than useful. He knew his father was right, Melissa wouldn't want him punishing himself. He couldn't let her go though not until he told her something. He had to find that girl again, the one at the lake. He didn't know why but he was positive she could help him contact Melissa again.

A week later Lee boarded the plane for Hidden Springs. he didn't tell his parents what he was doing. They believed he was going in for yet another pointless surgery. Glancing out the window as they flew through clouds he thought about finding the red-headed girl from the lake. 

His first stop in his search was to to ask Gina. She pointed him to the house she had in town. Even as he drove up to it he could tell it hadn't been lived in for a while. It had the unlived in look despite the for sale sign in the front yard. Calling the number on the sign he asked the voice that answered "I'm hoping you could put me in contact with the individual who owns this house..."

"Are you interested in the property?" came the reply with slight interest in his inquiry.

Sensing he would get no where over the phone he said "it's a lovely house. I'd love to view it..."

"I'll be right there." A definitive click in his ear told him the conversation was over. A few minutes later a car pulled up along side his and a young woman stepped out.

Opening the door she rattled off prices and statistics non of which induced a glimmer of interest in Lee to either listen or buy. When the steady stream of words tapered off he asked "how long has the house been on the market?"

"A couple of years," the girl stated launching into a rather boring reason why it wasn't the house itself but the owners fault it hasn't sold.

"What's wrong with the owner?" Lee showing slight interest despite his burning desire to find her.

"Well she's crazy, poor girl," the woman said "she thought she could talk to dead people and could see the future. Can you imagine living in the same house as a crazy person?" Her eyes glazed over as she thought about it.

Shrugging he said "my aunt claimed to have the sight," as the girl looked at him with interest he laughed a little self-conscious as he added "but she was seldom ever right."

"Amanda used to be quite normal when we were kids but that all changed when her parents were murdered in front of her." Her voice quickened relishing telling the story as she continued "apparently her dad's ex-wife did it. Shot him and his second wife in the living room. They both died in front of all their kids. Mandy was fourteen when it happened. She was never the same since."

Lee felt a pang of regret that he hadn't been nicer to  her. She had tried so hard to warn them and he had brushed her off like it was all a big joke. How wrong he was! "Do you know what happened to her?"

"I think her brother took her in. He's a police officer in Bridgeport." As if realizing she may have talked to much she asked "are you interested in the house?"

"Yes, yes I am," Lee replied. He didn't' know why but he somehow felt connected to the house. It was exactly the way he had imagined it would be in his head. He put in an offer and felt at peace for once. Something he hadn't felt for sometime. He booked a flight for Bridgeport to continue his search for the girl he now knew was Amanda Bennett. He could feel Melissa urging him on in his search.

***

Lee got a taxi to the police department and asked to speak with Officer Bennett. He was shown into a room where he waited for a couple of hours. He wasn't sure what he was expecting but it wasn't the purple haired young man who walked in introducing himself as Officer Jeff Bennett. He stood up and shook Jeff's hand "I'm sorry to bother you at work but it's important I find your sister Amanda."

Waving a hand towards the chairs he asked "what interest do you have in my sister?"

An hour later after explaining why he needed to find Amanda. Lee sat waiting for Jeff to inform him whether she wanted to see him or not. Chewing on his nails he nearly jumped when the door banged open. Looking up he found Jeff staring down at  him. "She agreed to meet you. Against my wishes she's invited you to dinner at her place. She seldom goes out so I shouldn't have been surprised. She's an awesome cook so you're in for a treat." As Lee got to his feet and moved towards the door Jeff reached out and stopped him an unfriendly glint in his eyes "I don't know what your intentions are but if you hurt her you'll have to deal with me."

"I have no intention of hurting her," Lee told him "I only want to talk to her. I promise I'll be on my best behavior."

Nodding Jeff sighed "I'm a little over protective of her. Too many people don't understand and she gets hurt."

Nodding in understanding Lee left and sat in the park until it was time to go to Amanda's. He arrived precisely on time six o'clock. While he waited for the elevator he tried to calm his nerves as his hands began to shake. Stepping out of the elevators she was standing outside her apartment waiting for him. He could see the anxiety in her eyes and the fear as if she expected him to blame her for what happened.

"Amanda...." his voice faltered unable to say more. There was suddenly too many emotions flying between them, he felt buffeted by them as it took his breath away.

A small moan escaped her lips as her knees buckled, he raced to her side before she could fall on the floor. Picking her up he kicked the door open and laid her on the couch. Her eyes were half open he asked "are you alright? Is there something I can do for you?"

Looking into his gentle eyes she sighed "no I'm alright." Sitting up "I was overwhelmed by ...."

"all the emotions," he finished for her.

Looking at him in wonder she nodded "you felt it too?"

Nodding unsure what she was referring to. A sudden crash at the door jerked them both from the moment. Two masked men stood before them. Pointing towards Amanda "take the girl."

Inserting himself between them and Amanda Lee tried to protect her. The man laughed unimpressed waving a gun at him. Swallowing hard he tried not to show the fear he felt. "No don't hurt him" Amanda said from behind him "I'll come with you. Please just don't hurt him."

"No," Lee cried grabbing her arm as she walked past him. Distracted by her he didn't see the man swing the gun down onto his skull. Everything went black as he fell into unconsciousness.

Authors Note: Stay tuned for Jeff's what is and what might be chapter to find out what happens to Amanda and Lee.