Generation 2, Chapter 36

"Congratulations Casey...Lynn," Robert hugged his brother and sister-in-law. "You're a beautiful bride." He was happy for them but it was so hard to smile over the hole in his heart.  The hole Patricia put there, he doubted his heart would ever be whole again.  Watching all the couples dancing, arms wrapped around each other, smiling into each others eyes made Robert's heart ache that much more. Looking at his girls he yearned to wrap them in tissue paper, protect them from ever getting hurt. Sighing Robert tried to put on a happy face maybe he could pretend he wasn't dying inside.

A hand on his shoulder and the deep comforting voice of his dad as he asked "son are you doing ok?" told Robert he wasn't succeeding.

Looking away blinking rapidly "yeah I'm fine," Robert lied.

"It's ok if you're not," William told him as he sat beside him.  "I know this is difficult for you.  It's bound to be."

"I didn't think it'd hurt this much," Robert admitted his voice hitching as he forced back tears. "I want to be happy for Casey.  He deserves this. Another part of me is angry. Why him? Why does he get the happy ever after and not me?"

"I don't know Rob. I wish I could give all my kids happy ever afters but I can't. I couldn't even do it for myself.  When I married your mother I thought we'd be in love forever. A fairy tale romance come to life. It was anything but. It ended in tragedy. Why? I ask myself that almost every night. I still don't know why but it doesn't stop me from hoping my kids won't experience the same heartbreak as me." Putting a comforting arm around his son's shoulders "I know you don't want to hear this but you will meet someone who will love you and your kids the way you deserve to be loved."

Shaking his head "I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago. I'm not a prince and there's no princesses waiting for me to rescue them." Smiling as his daughters ran past "I amend what I just said I don have princesses that I would do anything to protect from heartbreak."

"Rob don't close yourself off from the possibility," William advised. He watched his son's face closely knowing he wasn't getting through to him. Squeezing his shoulder "at least think about it."

Robert heard the entreaty his his dad's voice but refused to give the idea any merit. He was alright on his own.  Once was enough, he had his kids, he didn't need anything else. Gathering the kids up Robert headed towards the make shift parking lot.  Stopping briefly he spoke to Aimee who was walking up from the parking lot. "Is everything alright?" he asked.

***

Nodding Aimee explained "Gene and I drove separately. I went to get a more comfortable pair of shoes to wear." She looked at him "are you leaving already?"

"Yeah I'm tired and the kids have had a long day," he sighed not wanting to admit that he was feeling like a bump on a log watching everyone having a good time all around him.

"I'm taking your advise," Aimee told him with a shy hesitant smile.

"Good," Robert stated refraining from adding it was about freaking time.

"Do you think I should?" she asked.

"Aimee how many times do I have to tell you he's waiting for  you to make the first move. He thinks your afraid of him. If you don't get over your fears you're going to lose him." Robert walked over to her. He could tell she was still sitting on the fence not sure what to do. "Gene doesn't want you to do anything you don't want to do or unsure about. He loves you but you have him questioning whether your ready. You were given a second chance and so far you haven't used it."

She looked down fiddling with her fingers "no I'm ... I'm afraid. I keep thinking about Wallace and how he would react. I can't help how I jump when Gene raises his voice or when I flinch if I think I've done something wrong. I don't want to I just do." She started to cry softly.

Lightly touching her arm "maybe it's time you get counseling. You were in an abusive relationship for a year and before that neglected and ignored by your parents. Gene doesn't expect you  to be completely normal." He saw the small smile his words brought to her lips. "He does deserve to know why your reacting to him like he's going to hurt you. You should know he'd never do that. He'd rather die then let you come to grief."

"I know. I know," she sighed "that's why I've been seeing a psychiatrist..."

"You haven't told Gene have you?" Robert asked.

"No I ..." looking away wrapping her arms around herself "I was hoping for a quick fix. I've come to realize that I need to put myself out there and hope for the best." She smiled turning back towards Robert "the psychiatrist told me I needed to kiss Gene with my eyes open. Then I might be able to see the difference between him and Wallace. I'm ready to do that. I'm not afraid anymore."

"I don't think the psychiatrist meant that literally" Robert stared at her wondering if she was really that naive.

Laughing "I know what was meant. I just hope I'm not too late."

"I guess you'll find out," Robert said "I've got to get the kids to bed. I'll talk to you later."

***

Shaking his head as he walked to the car. He hoped Aimee was true to her words and she would show Gene how much she loved and trusted him. Gene deserved this.  He hated seeing him questioning everything he did. It wasn't normal for Gene to second guess his actions and he hated that Aimee was the one to do that to him. As he drove to the hotel he wondered if he should talk to Gene about it, maybe it was time he be persuaded to move on. Sighing he knew he would wait until Aimee had a chance to act on her new found confidence. If she didn't do something soon he'd have no choice. He wouldn't let Gene suffer because of her, not if there was something his could do about it.

Parking he woke the children. "Come on guys wake up," Robert called to them "I can't carry all of you." He laughed as they grumbled at him.

Jennifer rubbed her eyes yawning loudly "I'll get Alex," she offered.

Robert smiled as she went to get her brother. He knew Jennifer had a special bond with her baby brother and was becoming his surrogate mother. As much as he appreciated her help he wished more than anything she was able to be a carefree child instead of trying to fill the gap Patricia left in all of their lives. "Diana wait for for the rest of us," Robert called out to his other daughter who was half way to the hotel door. Reaching in he helped Amanda out of her car seat. From the corner of his eye he noticed Diana had trudged back to the van to wait for them.

Holding Amanda in one arm he grabbed Diana's hand with the other. He glanced over to make sure Jennifer was ready before walking to the the hotel door.

"Good evening Mr Bennett" the hotel receptionist greeted from the front desk.

"Good evening Ms Lofton," Robert returned.  Half of his attention on Jennifer who all but drooped under the weight of carrying her little brother who was fast asleep in her arms.

Someone came in from outside and grabbed Alex from Jennifer's arms saying "let me help you."

Looking up into his violet eyes Jennifer smiled in relief recognizing him from her Uncle's wedding "thank you,' she murmured.

Robert smiled "thank you Johnny." They walked into the elevator.  Johnny commented "just getting back from the wedding?"

"Yeah it's been a long day," Robert replied smiling "the kids and I are wore out from the days festivities."

"I think my sister Kate is devastated," Johnny smiled mischievously "she had a crush on Casey all through high school."

"Really?" Robert asked in surprise "Casey never mentioned it."

Shrugging Johnny said "Casey probably didn't know, Kate was kind of shy back then."

Robert looked sharply at Johnny. There was a note of wistfulness and longing in  his voice. "I guess he didn't notice. Casey was pretty oblivious back then."

Laying Alex on one of the beds Johnny backed towards the door mumbling "he wasn't the only one."

"I'm sorry did you say something?" Robert asked following his old classmate and friend to the door.

"No just goodnight," Johnny turned to leave.

Nodding Robert offered "I'll be in town for a couple of days.  We should get together, catch up...."

"I'd like that," Johnny smiled "I'm off tomorrow night," he suggested.

Thinking it over Robert smiled "tomorrow night it is then," he said clapping Johnny on the back.

After Johnny left Jennifer asked "what about school?"

"Oh I forgot," Robert put a hand to his head thinking "would you mind missing another day?" he asked the girls.

Shaking their heads Jennifer smiled "I think we can live with the loss."

"I thought you might," Robert smiled hugging his little girls. "Now I thinks it's past bed time."

"Alright we'll go to bed," they grumbled as they went to change.

***

The next morning Robert woke up to the girls giggling as they jumped on the hotel bed.  Groaning Robert squinted at the clock "girls why are you up so early?"

"It's your fault. We went to bed way to early," Diana informed him.

"No you didn't," he grumbled back covering his head with a pillow "it was an hour later than normal.  You never wake up this early for school."

Sitting up Robert watched the girls for a moment "you know that bed isn't a trampoline."

"We know," Diana rolled her eyes "but you'd never let us do this at home." Jennifer laughed jumping higher.

"And you shouldn't be doing it here either," Robert groused yawning wide. "I'm going to take a shower," he got up from the bed "don't fall and break anything while I'm gone."

Laughing the girls waved him off "we won't dad."

Coming out of the shower Robert found the kids gathered around a tray "that smells good, where'd it come from?"

Jennifer smiled "the guy from last night brought it." Looking at her dad curiously "I think he likes you."

"What? No we're just old friends," Robert told her dishing up a plate for each of the kids taking the last for himself.

Giggling Diana said "it'd be kinda cool if he did.  Stella my bestie has two moms. It'd be way cooler to have two dads."

"I'd rather two dads than another mom," Jennifer agreed "but I like it just the way it is." She snuggled up close to her dad "we don't need anyone else, do we?"

Kissing her forehead Robert smiled down at her "don't worry princess I won't get married again unless everyone likes her."

"Or him," Diana piped up giggling.

"That's not going to happen," Robert laughed at her "so get that idea out of your head."

"What if it did?" Jennifer asked enjoying teasing her dad. "You are going out with a guy tonight aren't you?"

"Yeah but we're just old friends," Robert rolled his eyes at her.

"Says you," Diana said stuffing toast into her mouth.

"I bet he has other ideas," Jennifer added gulping her orange juice.

"I'm so not having this discussion with my kids," Robert told them shaking his head as he sat back to watch the news.  He couldn't help but wonder if he had missed something last night that the girls had picked up on. No Johnny was just an old friend from high school. They were just going out for a couple of beers and catch up. He tried to ignore the voice in his head constantly asking him what if. He had heard the rumors about Johnny in high school but he had always denied it. What would he do if he were wrong and the girls were right? Mumbling to himself he got up and gathered the debris from breakfast and announced "alright kids lets go to the park."

***

They spent the day playing in the park. The girls ran wild and Robert spent his time with Amanda and Alex. He was constantly having to run after Alex who would wander off if he looked away for even a second. At times like this he missed having someone else he could rely on to help him look after all the kids. At least now he was reconciled to doing it on his own before when Patricia was still around taking the kids to the park on his own always filled him with melancholy. Now it was how it had to be.

His mind wandered to the conversation over breakfast. Would the kids accept someone else in his life if he were to remarry sometime down the line? The little ones had no clear memory of their mother. Even Amanda had stopped asking for mommy. Mommy was never coming back. The girls needed a mother figure in their lives. As they got older they would need someone they could talk to about things they might find uncomfortable or embarrassing to talk to him about.

Biting his lip he knew Jennifer would be the difficult one. She's the one he would have to work the hardest on to get her approval. She's the one who was most effected by Patricia's actions. She was also the one he was most concerned with being without a mother. She deserved to have a childhood. One free from raising her younger siblings. She was too young to carry so much responsibility on her small shoulders.

Shaking his head he looked down to see Alex staring up at him "daddy sad?" he asked.

Smiling Robert shook his head "no buddie just deep in though."

"About?" Alex looked inquiringly up from the dirt he was playing in.

"About you kids," Robert laughed patting his little boys head.

"Love you daddy," Alex got up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Love you too buddie," Robert hugged the little boy tight. Hearing his sweet little voice filled his heart with joy.  Alex had refused to talk to anyone but Jennifer for months after Patricia left and Robert had been in the hospital.  Over the last six months Alex had started to talk more and more.  He no longer sat and stared at everyone. His nightmares had decreased for which Robert was thankful for. Things were definitely improving. Maybe it was time he started to look into his own happiness for a change. Running his fingers through his hair he wondered what one did on dates. He never was much good at dating when he was younger and he doubted he had improved with age.

Glancing as his watch he had enough time to feed the kids and drop them off with Gene who had agreed to watch them for the night. Gathering the kids he took them to McDonald's then drove back to the hotel. Knocking on Gene's door he noticed how relaxed Gene was when he came to the door, his trademark smirk on his face. "It's still ok to bring the kids right?" Robert asked not wanting to interrupt any plans that Gene may have.

"No problem bro," Gene smiled easily "you need a night off every now and then."

Looking over Gene's shoulder Robert waved "good evening Aimee."

She smiled warmly at him. She looked happy almost glowing. It was the first time Robert had ever seen her without the lost puppy dog look in her eyes. He smiled at Gene "tomorrow you and I need to get together and talk."

"Sure," Gene said easily "before we leave. Aimee will watch the kids. Won't you babe?" he asked over his shoulder. Gene smiled at her answer "besides I want to hear all about your wild single night out. I've got to live vicariously through you."

"Whatever bro," Robert chuckled as he turned to leave. He heard Gene call after him "don't do anything I wouldn't do." 

"No worries," he shot back shaking is head.

***

He was meeting Johnny at the bar at 8:00 he had plenty of time for a bite to eat before then. While he was eating his onion rings a hand slapped down on his shoulder. "Hey man fancy meeting you here," Johnny said as he slipped into the bar stool next to him. Waving down the bar tender Johnny ordered a drink "what do you want?"

Robert shook his head "I'm fine."

Picking up his drink Johnny sniffed it, then took a tentative sip "that's just coke. You need something a little stronger than that."

"No really I'm good," Robert protested "I don't drink much."

"Well tonight you do," Johnny said ordering a drink for him. Something about a pink squirrel. When the drink arrived Robert eyed the concoction set in front of him. 

"Well are you gonna drink it?" Johnny asked laughing at him enjoying his joke.

"It's pink," Robert protested bringing it to his nose. Wrinkling his nose he tried to figure out what was in it. Noticing Johnny watching him Robert shrugged and took a sip "not bad," he smiled relaxing.

"Let's get a booth," Johnny suggested.

"Okay," Robert shrugged going over to a booth furthest away from the stereo blasting music at ear splitting decibels.  Scooting over reluctantly when Johnny moved to sit beside him. His nearness making Robert more than a little uncomfortable.

"So what happened to the pretty wife?" Johnny asked flippantly.

"She did a runner and I haven't seen her since," Robert tried to mimic the flippant attitude of his friend.

"I'm sorry man," Johnny said waving the waitress over to order another round of drinks. When the drinks arrived Johnny handed him one "here try this. It's guaranteed to wipe all memories out of existence."

Taking a sip of the new drink Robert looked at his companion "you're not trying to me drunk, are you?"

"Who me?" Johnny asked putting a hand to his chest "wouldn't dream of it." Johnny slid closer to Robert putting an arm around his shoulders. "Why so tense?"

"I uh I," Robert reached for his drink, gulping it. The alcohol bit into his throat. Coughing he tried to breath as he felt the alcohol burn it's way down his throat.

"Jeez calm down," Johnny said looking at him with concern. "I'm not gonna bite."

"I know ... I'm sorry," Robert spluttered. "I told you I don't drink." Robert shook his head that was beginning to feel detached from the rest of his body. Looking at Johnny he asked "are you coming on to me?"

"Now what would give you that idea?" Johnny asked smiling at him.

"I uh I think I should go now," Robert attempted to get up only to realize he couldn't leave until Johnny let him out. "Please I think I should just leave." Glancing around the bar Robert suddenly felt trapped and alone as he realized it was just him and Johnny. The bar tender and waitress were no where in sight and the bar was empty except for them.

Smirking a little "You know I had a crush on you all through high school.  You never even saw me did you?" Johnny asked.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Robert mumbled trying not to panic.

"I thought we were alike. I was wrong," Johnny admitted sadly. "You came back from college with a girlfriend and I was devastated."

"Johnny I'm sorry. I thought we were just friends. I never knew ... I'm sorry." Robert stumbled over his words. He had heard the rumors, had wondered what if but when he met Patrice again at college things just fell into place for him. "I should go," he pushed on Johnny to get him to move but he wouldn't budge.

"Now that she's gone, how about giving us a chance?" Johnny turned hopeful eyes towards Robert. "All I want is a chance."

Shaking his head Robert tried to form one coherent thought in front of the other.  The combination of shock and alcohol buzzing around inside his head left him speechless. He felt Johnny pull him close crushing his lips with a kiss filled with all his pent of desire, passion and frustration built up over the last ten years. Struggling in Johnny's embrace Robert managed to push him away "what the hell Johnny!" Confusion and alcohol making his words harsher then Robert intended.

"Oh no I ..." Johnny's eyes bulged as he bolted from the booth and ran from the bar.

Robert hung his head in a combination of embarrassment and shame.  He should have handled the situation so much better. He hadn't been prepared for one of his oldest and closest friends to confess to having a crush on him since high school. The waitress approached him "will your boyfriend be coming back?"

"Boyfriend?" Robert felt his face heat up and knew it was as red as his hair. "No I ... I don't think so." Robert fumbled for his wallet "how much do I owe you?"

After paying the tab Robert wandered out into the parking lot.  Breathing deeply of the cool night air he took his phone out "Gene ... yeah I need a ride ... Can you come pick me up?"