4.6 Who I am

Emmaline knocked softly on her brother's bedroom door. Waited for a response. She knocked again a little louder before turning the knob and sticking her head into his room. "Andy" she called. A groan greeted her from the lump on the bed. Taking that as invitation enough she let herself in. "Andy are you alright?"

"Go away" he told her as he felt her light touch on his shoulder.

"Andy I'm sorry" she said rubbing small circles on his back "she doesn't know what she's missing."

He sniffed despite his best efforts to keep his tears at bay. "You must think I'm big baby." He wiped his eyes sitting up attempting to smile.

She shook her head "no you're not. It's ok to cry when your heart has been broke."

He snorted "how did you get so smart?"

"I'll have you know I'm smarter than people think I am," she stood up putting her hands on her hips "just because I have pink hair does not mean I'm stupid."

"No it doesn't" he sighed "I didn't mean to imply you were."

Emmaline watched the sadness return to his eyes as he seemed to shrink back into himself. "Andy I'm sorry about Charlie too."

"What?" his first instinct was to deny everything instead he asked "how did you know?"

"I'm young not blind" she rolled her eyes at him.

Shaking his head he asked "would you have a problem with a brother who was gay?" He looked at his hands unable to meet her gaze. Her opinion mattered to him more than anyone elses did. If she reacted the way Indira did he didn't know what he would do. Die probably.

"Why would I?" she sat beside him on the bed leaning into him "just as long as you don't steal anymore of my boyfriends."

"I'd never do that to you. Besides they'd all be too young for me."

"What does age have to do with anything?" she asked him.

"A lot when your 13 and I'm 18..."

"I'll have you know I'm 14..."

"That's right, you're birthday was last week" he pulled her close "Sorry sis I haven't been a very good brother lately."

"Don't worry about it" she playfully swatted his arm "you've had a lot of things on your mind lately." 

She leaned into him "I've missed you."

***

A week into their summer break Andrew was sitting down enjoying breakfast with his little sister. He hesitated to call her his favorite as that seemed unfair to his twin but he couldn't deny he preferred Emmaline over Indira most days. Indira always made him feel incompetent, incapable not to mention her refusal to accept him for who he was. 

When his parents joined them they looked more surprised then happy to see them. "I would have thought you two would still be in bed like your sister," Caleb mumbled over a piece of toast.

"No way! Why would we waste the day sleeping when we can be out doing stuff," Emmaline said over a her mouthful of pancake. "We're going to the beach to check out all the hot guys."

"Is that so?" Caleb hid his smile behind his napkin as he wiped his mouth. He glanced across the table at his son who was a brilliant shade of red.

"You're still not talking to Charlie?" Drew asked in concern.

"I'm not the one who stopped talking" Andrew sat back in his chair tossing his napkin over his half eaten breakfast.

"Call him" she insisted ignoring Caleb's  hand signals for her to stop "I'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

"Mom...I...just stop" Andrew pushed his chair back "he doesn't want to talk to me. I've called him...he doesn't call back. What more do you want from me?"

Drew stared at him groping for something to say "I was just trying to help."

"Mom please just ...."

"You've done all you can" Emmaline spoke up "it's Charlie's turn to grow some balls...."

"Emmaline" Drew protested appalled.

Rolling her eyes Emmaline said "well it's true. If he wants Andy he should say so." She held her hand up giving her mom a piercing glare "don't say it. I know Charlie just lost his dad and he's grief stricken. I feel bad for him but unfortunately life doesn't stop. Pushing Andy away was just plain stupid and if Andy isn't available when he comes back to life it's just too bad."

"Emmie please" Andrew pleaded for her to stop.

"Andy you're too nice," she told him collecting his plate to clear the table "you deserve better then someone who can't see what a wonderful person you are. So we're going to the beach."

"Can I come too?" Indira asked coming into the room.

Emmaline gave her a sugar sweet smile. "Sure we can always find you a gelding."

Caleb choked on his orange juice as Drew frowned at her youngest daughter. Whatever she was going to say was eclipsed by Indira demanding "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh" Emmaline blew on her nails before answering "nothing much really. It's just you enjoy emasculating your men. I thought we'd save you the trouble and find you one without any balls to bust."

Indira's eyes narrowed to slits "unlike some I don't need my baby sister to help me find a man."

"No you just need help keeping one," Emmaline retorted.

"That's enough" both girls snapped their mouths shut at the sound of Caleb's stern voice.

"Sorry daddy" Emmaline was quick to apologize with a quick hug while flashing her sister a triumphant grin.

"Dad" Indira protested "your always taking her side."

Caleb gave his raven haired green eyed girl a silent glare. Multiple thoughts crossed his mind as he watched her. He wondered where she had gotten some of her ideas. He knew all too well how she felt about them. Embarrassed only covered the surface. He could handle her dislike of the career he loved. Her disdain for her mother's paranormal interests. But when it came to manipulating her brother to be anything other than who he is, was the final straw. The line she shouldn't have crossed.

She glared defiantly back knowing she had crossed some invisible line somewhere. Her gaze shifted towards her brother and smirked "this is about the golden boy isn't? No wonder he thinks he's gay. You all treat him like he is."

"You're the only one here who refuses to accept him for who he is," Emmaline was quick to point 

out. 

"Whatever," she said glaring at her brother urging him to come to her defense "aren't you going to say something?"

"What good would it do," his voice low "you don't listen. You never listen. You only hear what you want to hear." He pushed back his chair standing up confronting his sister a spark in his dark grey eyes "I'm gay. Get over it. Accept it. Don't accept. I really don't care." He pushed past Indira as he left the room in stunned silence.

***

A few minutes later Indira barged into Andrew's room without knocking."What the hell was that?"

"Get out" Andrew shouted at her.

"The hell I will," she yelled back "we discussed this remember? You agreed we wouldn't have anymore talk about you being gay. I thought you understood."

"I understood alright," Andrew glared at her "your embarrassed to have a gay brother. You'd rather I'd be miserable just so long as it didn't interfere with your goals, your expectations..."

"That's not true," she shook her head in denial "I want to protect you. Charlie broke your heart. He..."

"This isn't about Charlie," Andrew interrupted her "this is about me because of you I tried to deny who I am. Don't you think I know how I feel? What I'm attracted to?"

"But Sheree..."

"Sheree opened my eyes," he turned his back on her "it hurt but it was for the best. No one wants to be rejected but when your girlfriend wonders about your feelings for your best friend then it's time to reconsider things. I've done a lot of thinking. I'm tired of pretending." He looked over at his twin "why can't you just accept me for who I am?"

"Because it isn't who you are? I'm your twin. I'd know if you were and you're not." They both turned as the door opened and their dad walked into the room.

***

"Indira your mother is waiting for you in our room," his tone left no room for argument as he stepped aside for her to pass by.

"Dad..." Andrew looked down at the floor "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Caleb asked closing the door after Indira left.

"For...for being me," Andrew shrugged "for being gay." His heart was pounding ninety miles an hour in his chest. This was the moment of truth the moment he found out how awful he was for coming out...

"Andrew look at me," Caleb requested. He waited until his son's gaze moved from the floor. His eyes were still downcast but his head was up not bowed to the ground "Son I'm not mad or upset." He smiled a little as his son's eyes moved and sought his. He saw a mixture of fear, relief and surprise shining in them. "I'd love you no matter what. You're my son. Gay, straight makes no difference. You're my son and that's all that matters."

Andrew could feel himself tremble from relief. Before he could wrap his mind around what his dad 

just said he was engulfed in a warm embrace "dad I'm sorry..."

"Andrew you've done nothing to apologize for. You are who you are. You're mother and I have known longer then you. Why else do you think your mother keeps bringing up Charlie?" He ruffled his son's hair. He couldn't help but wish his nephew Apollo was here to give his son some advice. It wasn't often he let himself think about his other family, his other life. He had all the Bennett's and he had Ambrose he had all the family he could ever want. But at times like this he wished he had the Gray insight to help his son. He knew his dad would know the right things to say. Shaking his head he pushed those thoughts aside. 

"Does it ever get any better?" Andrew asked looking to his dad for advice.

"Charlie?" he asked watching Andrew nod. Caleb's lips flattened into a thin line "I want to say yes but a lot of it depends upon you. On whether or not you're ready to move on."

"Dad he told me to go on with my life. What other choice do I have?"

Smiling a little "not a lot when you put it like that. You've done all you can to show him that you care. The ball is in his court now. I can't tell you if he'll ever change his mind. All I know for sure is you're hurting. The longer you hold on to him you're missing out on life. Life goes on whether he's in it or not. You have to decide whether you're going to let him suck the joy from your life or whether your going to put yourself out there. It's your choice."

"What if he comes around and I'm not here?" 

"Then it his loss. You have to live your life. You can't wait for him to make up his mind. You could be waiting forever, watching life pass you by. Charlie may not be the one. Someone is. You'll never find him if your sitting in your room waiting for someone who isn't ready. When he's ready maybe you'll be here and maybe you won't be. The loss is his not yours."

"So you think I should give up on Charlie" Andrew asked still hoping for a yes or no answer.

"I can't tell you that. Only you can make that decision." Caleb thought for a moment "what would you tell Emmaline if she liked someone but they rejected her?"

A slight smile brightened Andrew's face "one that the guy's an idiot and two there's more fish in the sea."

"So why aren't you listening to your own advise?" Caleb asked moving toward the door "from where I stand Charlie is pretty stupid to pass up on a great guy like you. So get out there and show him what he's missing."

***

"That guy likes you" Emmaline leaned in close so that only Andrew could hear.

"What no" he glanced over at the attractive male "he's just being nice."

"Then why are you turning red?" Emmaline giggled as he put a hand to his cheek. He could feel the heat on his finger tips as he turned an even deeper shade of red. He glanced across at the male in time to catch his eye and see him wink. "What did I tell you?" Emmaline pushed his shoulder "go over there. Get his number."

"I can't" Andrew protested. He had never been good at approaching people; especially not ones he found attractive.

"If you don't I will," she said standing up.

Grabbing her had Andrew pulled her down beside him "no you won't."

She struggled to free herself until a shadow moved across their vision. She looked up smiling "looks like I won't have to."

"What are you talking ...." Andrew turned and found the attractive male staring down at them. He let his sister go as the male said "Am I interrupting something?"

"No" Emmaline said jumping to her feet.

"Yes" Andrew mumbled contradicting her.

"Well I" the guy stammered a look of uncertainty clouding his eyes "I'll just go I didn't mean.." He took a step back tripping in the loose sand.

Emmaline flashed her brother a furious glare. Sighing Andrew stepped forward offering his had to the boy. "Thank you" the boy said dusting the sand off as he stood. "I was" he stopped taking a breath "would you like to join me and my friends for lunch?"

When Andrew began to shake his head no Emmaline pushed him forward "he does and will."

"Emmie" Andrew protested "I can't"

"Of course you can" she waved him off "I'm going over there" she pointed towards a group of teenagers "I'll meet up with you later at home."

"She's cute. Your sister?" the guy asked.

Nodding "yeah she is" Andrew said watching her join her friends "I'm Andrew" he said turning back towards the boy offering his hand.

"Nice to meet you" the boy grinned taking his hand "I'm Zach."

***

Emmaline was waiting for him when Andrew got home. "How'd it go?" she asked jumping up from steps as Andrew walked up.

The grin he couldn't hide told her more then his mumbled "fine" did.

"From the way your grinning I'd say say it went better then fine," she wrapped her hands around his arm.

"Yes it was fun. He was nice."

"And" she prompted.

"And we have a date tomorrow night. Just the two of us," he told her.

The melancholy wistful look in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by her. "You're thinking of him again," she accused.

"Who?" he asked.

"Charlie that's who," she shook her head at him "have you tried calling him again?"

"No" he growled "and I'm not going to either. He's made his choice. He doesn't want to talk to me." He moved towards the door.

"But you still like him don't you?" she asked watching him closely.

He paused gazing up into the night sky before releasing a wistful pent up sigh before going inside without answering her question.

***

She walked a short distance from the door before taking her phone out. She pulled up her contact list to find the number. "Hey jerk" she said when someone said hello in her ear.

"Who are you calling a jerk?"

"You....jerk" she wanted to call him some many things but jerk would suffice for now. "You broke my brother's heart. In my book that makes you a jerk."

"Shortness if this is about Andrew ...."

"Don't call me shortness only Andy can call me that" She sighed in irritation.

"I'm going to hang up..."

"Go ahead but then I can't tell you the good news."

A pause on the other end let her know she had his attention. "What news?"

"Oh now you're interested," she fiddled with her phone before continuing "isn't he a stud muffin?" she asked when she was sure he had received the picture she took of Andrew and Zach together at the beach.

There was a stunned silence before he said "who is that?"

"Would't you like to know?" she said enjoying the moment "you may not like my brother but this guy certainly does."

"Why are you telling me this?" Charlie's voice sounded shaky, uncertain.

"Oh I don't know," she smiled into the darkness "maybe I think you need to be pushed in the right direction."

"Em I'm not..."

"Of course you are," she ignored his protests "my brother is adorable and you've been in love with him since your were fifteen." She listened to his heavy breathing for a moment before asking "so what are you going to do about it?"