Chapter Fifteen

Not What it Seems

 

 

 Its been a few months since their fight and neither one has been able to talk to the other about it. One night before retiring for the evening, they were each lost in their own thoughts. Jessica felt completely misunderstood. She knew she didn't resent Evelyn but she was jealous of her. Well not exactly her but of William being the one to carry her for 9 months, to feel her growing inside him, moving, kicking, she loved the entire experience and she didn't have that with Evelyn. She resented that William had that experience and not her. How could she explain that she wanted another baby to experience having a baby growing inside her again? How could she be jealous of her own husband? She should be happy that he was able to experience that with Evelyn instead of resenting it!

William felt horrible ever since he stormed out of the house that night. He just couldn't understand why Jessica couldn't accept Evelyn as her own. That hurt more than anything he could ever imagine. He could prevent what happened and Evelyn certainly couldn't. She was the innocent victim of all of this and William felt he had to protect her, to give her a place where she had a sense of belonging. But how could he do that when his wife, her mother resented her?
 "Jessica I'm going to China to learn chinese cuisine for the restaurant."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"What do you mean 'a good idea'? It'll help me in my career."

"I mean with your PAASD you probably shouldn't go by yourself."

"I've been taking my meds as prescribed. My anxiety is under control. I haven't had any bad episodes. I'll be fine."

"Well you haven't been sleeping like you should and maybe I should go...."

"I'm not a child, so don't treat me like one" becoming irritated and frustrated that she felt he function on his own without her.

"William I'm only concerned about your welfare. Besides your therapist called to confirm your appointment. Why didn't you tell me you were seeing him again? You don't have to suffer alone."

"What, he had no right calling and talking to you about me. Whatever happened to doctor confidentiality?" He got up and started pacing the floor.

Watching William pace for a while, Jessica finally said "Just the fact that your seeing your therapist again only proves you shouldn't go to China alone. Besides we could use the alone time to talk without the kids around to interrupt us."

"Speaking of which, what do we do with the kids?"

"Well my parents have offered to babysit if we ever wanted to go on another trip. I think we should take them up on their offer."

Sighing in defeat William agreed. A few days later they had packed up the kids and headed to China.

 

They spent three days in China and the first day and half William spent learning Chinese cuisine. The rest of the time he spent with Jessica doing the mundane tourist attractions. It was a little irritating that Jessica felt the need to never let William out of her sight, like she was afraid he wander off and become lost. William was begining to think she should see a therapist so that she would quit treating him like a child and incapable of taking care of himself.

"Honey we've been in China for two days now and we still haven't talked. I think we should just stay in the hotel until we have cleared the air between us." William said finally ready to discuss their issues.

"I guess your right." Jessica said sitting down on the bed looking at William to start.

Sighing a little as he say Jessica was waiting for him to start he began by saying "I'm sorry for running out on you the night of our fight. But I don't understand why you resent Evelyn so much."

"I, I don't ... it's hard to explain."

"Try Jessica. I need to know. I can't even contemplate having another child, if you can't accept Evelyn as your own."

"I'm jealous" Jessica bluntly blurted.

"Jealous ... of Evelyn. Why? She's just a baby."

"No not of her but of you! You were the one who carried her, felt her growing inside you, kicking, moving. I'm jealous that you experienced that and I didn't. I want another baby to experience that again. I love all our babies but I cherish that experience and I know I should be happy that you know what that experience is but for whatever reason I'm not. I become jealous every time I think about it. I don't understand why I feel this way, so how can I even hope that you could?"

"Jessica if you agree to talk to a therapist about your feelings then I'll agree to be open to the possibility of more children in the future. Ok?"

Smiling a little ruefully, Jessica agreed. Getting up she said "Ok I'll make an appointment as soon as we get home."

Coming over to Jessica he gave he a quick hug saying "Thank you. Now let's do some exploring.

They explored one of the tombs. While Jessica was going through a pile of rubble, William found a hole to investigate. He stuck his hand in the hole and quickly pulled it again when he felt something move inside. His hand came out covered in bugs. He couldn't help but scream as he shook them off. In no time at all their trip was over and they went home much happier than they came.



 

Three months later, Jessica was enjoying a meal with Sydney while William was at work.

"Mom are you going to have a baby or are you just getting fat?" Sydney bluntly asked.

"Um what makes you ask that?"

Looking at her mom, she rolled her eyes and said "You're kidding righ? You've been wearing big tee shirts like my teacher did before told the class she was having a baby. So are you?

Feeling slightly uncomfortable with the conversation, Jessica simply shook her head and asked "Which would you like, a brother or sister?"

Mumbling with her mouth full she said "Neither but I guess I don't have a choice."

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Then don't ask me stupid questions while I'm eating" Sydney retorted.

"Don't talk to me like that young lady. Go to your room."

"Gladly!" Sydney got up and marched to her bedroom. Slamming the door shut Sydney threw herself on the bed wondering how many more brats she was going to have to endure.

 



It's been a year since Casey was born. Although he wasn't planned he was the best memento they had of their time in China. William loves all four of this children and loved coming home every night from the restaurant to play with them.

 

Tonight was especially important as it was Casey's birthday and they were celebrating as a family. Both Jessica and William were content and happy, having started couples therapy. Jessica learning to deal with her jealousy and to let William have more independence without worrying that he can't cope without her. 

When Casey grew up into a toddler, everyone was shocked that he blond hair. But he must have inherited it from Jessica as her father was a blond too. He stands out as different from the rest just like Evelyn with her green skin.